Why We Need To Find The Higgs Boson

We need to find the Higgs Boson

Because it was maybe

The Great Verb

In the Big Bang

Which is to blame for why

Everything today is

So far apart and expensive.

And if we find it

We can buy HB Detectors

For our homes

Like we did for radon gas

For twenty one ninety five

And an alarm will go off

Giving us time to duck and cover

Like they told us to do

During the cuban missile crisis.

This time though

We are to duck tape ourselves

To the underside

Of our little twig

In the thinning brittle thicket of evolution

Which many of our relatives

To this day

Refuse to call home

Because of still being too mortified

From when the chimpanzees

Actually showed up for Thanksgiving

And redid the upstairs in feces

Thank you

And all because of a little shit  

They won’t accept

The Fundamental Premise

And will perish

In the Great Oxymorons

Of the Second Singularity

Which will come to be called the Rupture

And those ruptured will

Most likely be incinerated

Which means they won’t be buried

In some great, heroic shale in Canada

For the rest of us

Now red and hairless

From being so recently untaped

To dig up

And carbon date.